The Coasts

At approximately 3:14 AM our forces reached the coasts of West Africa. General Potamus’ 45,000 soldiers assaulted OneStar’s 10,000 man army in Liberia. MetaPirate and crew reached the capital of Angola where his 15,000 troops met fierce resistance. Colonel Salbert’s 3,000 western troops arrived at Namibia where they encountered light opposition. His men secured an airstrip that will provide vital missions which will affect the outcome of the war. Salbert’s Australian-based air force will land at Madagascar where they will prepare to commence further attacks. Mentok’s Canadian troops landed in Spain where they will be ready to cut off OneStar’s retreat. We will surround him.

The Casualty Report: We’ve had more casualties than we originally predicted. Someone will be fired for this, probably that gay guy. General Potamus lost 4,000 men; Metapirate lost 8,000 of his brave fighters encountering the fiercest battle yet. Colonel Salbert lost a few dozen men.

This leaves a combined force of Potamus’ 41,000; MetaPirate’s 7,000; Salbert’s 2,976 + his eastern air-force which is expected to be roughly a couple thousand; Mentok’s 500 Canadian rangers (mostly camel based); Gyrobo’s small 1,500 Greenland force; and Dept. H’s 265 special agents which are being massacred according to the latest intelligence information. This means we have a total of over 55,000 men. We’re outnumbered. The latest report from our secret agent, Rick Anonymi, says that Gist alone has well over a hundred thousand men at his disposal. Nevertheless we must carry on.

By the end of the day OneStar’s battalion will be 6,000. He’ll want to spread them out, but it will be too late. By tomorrow he’ll be captured, and tried.

Operation: “The seagull's can land without getting shot by Dick Cheney” is underway.